10 Things Not To Do

1. Test the alarm systems on the cars at my building by rocking them at 02:00 when I stagger home drunk.

2. Offer to shake hands after blowing my nose by placing the same hand over my nostril and letting it rip.

3. Kill and cook my neighbors’ dog then invite them over for a “special dinner.”

4. Urinate in the fish tanks in front of my favorite seafood restaurant.

5. “Accidentally” miss the sweet spot when taking a shit in my neighbor’s squat toilet.

6. When having dinner with my friends, do not note that most of what we are eating would be fed to dogs at home.

7. When I hear a neighbor beating his wife I do not say say, “She probably deserved it.”

8. Do not send garbage pickers on wild goose chases to find used Styrofoam or toilet paper.

9.  Do not give the local police a chilled watermelon “just in case.”

10. Do not point out that the words on my friends t-shirt are gibberish, and are misspelled anyway.

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About Charles Kirtley

Have been living in SE Asia and China since 2007. I have an opinion on most every subject, and don't mind sharing them. Lover and collector of worthless facts.
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